I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
