My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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