the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
