we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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