So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
