found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
