so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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