***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
