dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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