Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
