ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
