So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
