I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
