I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize