im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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