My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
