Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
