this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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