so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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