just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
