I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
