shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
