My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
