Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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