have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
