did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I am morally bankrupt
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
