i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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