420 ftw
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
