you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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