If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Little spoons don't ask big questions
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
