i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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