Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
