her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
