i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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