dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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