WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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