there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
