yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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