At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Pooping to opera.
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