I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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