You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
