why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
