he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
