3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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