Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
