you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
