What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
