He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
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I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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