We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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