i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
