If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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