My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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