Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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