this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize