i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have tasted many bathrooms
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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