I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
