He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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