I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
