My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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