She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
