Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
