Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
