She is in my trunk
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT