the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
