why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
zippers are such a cool invention
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
