I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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