With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
