Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im holly from the hills drunk
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
