Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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