My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
