I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
