i need an iv and a liver transplant
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
