I look better un-naked...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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