He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
