they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
