we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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