I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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