First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
