I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Randomize
