y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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