I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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